just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
