:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
