I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
