Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
