So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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