Kiss
Puke
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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