Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
