like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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