: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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