when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
