So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
