I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
