The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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