I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
