Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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