He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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