she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
