My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
