D3 body, D1 cock
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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