i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
