Where is the hickey?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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