My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
