like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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