how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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