Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
