I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
