Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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