Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
