I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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