for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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