please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
