The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
