Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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