on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
