How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
