tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
