Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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