i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
