Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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