Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
