My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
