I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
