She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
