he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
