he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
