i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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