I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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