I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
