I'm so fucking centered right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
