At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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