I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
