community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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