I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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