I wish you could order shots online.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
