I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
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I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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