I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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