I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
