Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
