I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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