I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
