Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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