I just cut my nipple shaving
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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