I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
