I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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