How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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