oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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