were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i believe in u and ur pee
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
