does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
