Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
